You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
