i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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