i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
