you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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