So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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