Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
