Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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