You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I checked into jail on foursquare
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
