Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
