now i know why i became what i already was.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
