The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
