yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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