Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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