If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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