I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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