My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
