My first STD was from a foam party
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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