I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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