I think im going to throw up on grandma
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
