I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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