i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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