I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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