yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
