I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
