We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
