She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
