I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
