hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
