I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
