his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
