ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
