My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
