How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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