WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
