this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
