Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
