i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
