Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
