Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
