I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
