the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
