You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
