Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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