maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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