kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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