You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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