Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I want a musical about memes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
