do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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