how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
