omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
