Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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