oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
